Have respect for the lessons

In the last few months, in the last year even, I have tried, and sometimes been successful, in trying to understand the meaning of some of the lessons that I have had before me. Many of those lessons were painful ones, and, possibly like many of you that read my crazy kind of blog, I often seem to need to learn my lessons in life the hard way. And, often, it takes several times of facing the same challenge before I am good and ready to learn the lesson at hand.

There is no doubt that I have learned to fully let go in the last year, to not obsess over the reason for a lesson to come my way. Given time, and patience, I always came to know why the lesson was there. I also learned to become grateful for the lessons that were in front of me, even those that I was angry about, or hurt, or lost, or just plain old fed up. Eventually, I learned to become grateful for those lessons on loss, hurt, and pain. They always brought me good outcomes and information about myself and others.

I have learned a new aspect of lesson learning in my life. That is, the concept of having respect for the lessons. Not just being grateful, not just gaining an understanding of what the lessons mean. Not just trusting the process of what I am going through. But the actual lesson of respect at the immense nature of what I am learning. Being in awe of how beautiful the living of life is, and my role in that. The absolute stunning nature of the path that I am walking, of the scenery on that path.

I further believe, through the idea of respect, that I learn to have it more for myself as well. I mean, it has been one hell of a year. Probably one of the most challenging of my life so far, without sounding overdramatic. Respect for the darkness, respect for the light, respect for the strength I managed to bring up in the midst of illness, heartache, physical and emotional pain, goodbyes, and moves. Strength in the midst of new adventures, love, new people, new places, and pure joy and peace. Respect is about putting forth what an immense impact something, or someone has had on you. I respect this journey, this life, these lessons, so much. In gratitude, and respect, and awe, I express my blessings and joy in today, and all the todays yet to come.

Peace out......

Never, ever, say never!

I remember when I was in my teens, and believe me, that was quite awhile ago...... Anyway, I remember reading articles about women listing all of the things that they said they would never do, and then, later in life, ended up doing them. I swore I would NEVER be one of those women, that there was surely some things that I would NEVER, EVER do. Like color my hair (what was I thinking? It is great to try new colors, especially if the colors cover the gray.....). What else? I would never smoke again after I stopped smoking ten years ago- WRONG!!! I would NEVER go to graduate school- I went and finished years ago. I have been thinking about this, and am really not sure why it was so important to say NEVER to certain things. What was I afraid of?

I am looking at the idea of never a little bit differently today. In my present state of mind, which seems to be pretty calm, clear, and coherent, I believe that to say NEVER to something, anything, is to limit the possibilities of your life. I doesn't mean that we have to take a no holds barred approach to our lives, that anything goes. But, if the word NEVER keeps us back from trying something new, healthy, or hopeful, we need to stop using it and living by it.

For me, I think the word never in my vocabulary, even in the last few months, has been used out of fear. Fear of what will happen if I do that particular thing, if I date that particular person, if I try again at that long term relationship. The word "never", at least for a time, kept me protected, so I didn't have to be vulnerable to all of the untidy details of life. Boy, I am SOOOOO glad that I was wrong about this word.

I really believed that I would NEVER, EVER, have a second chance at reconciling with my true love. WHY? Because I really believed that she would NEVER, EVER forgive me, or forget what had happened when I left her. I really believed that we could NEVER move forward from that hurt, even though I was hurt, too, I didn't know if we could walk a new, brighter path together. I was so wrong. If I had continued with that way of thinking, I would not have tried to reach out, be vulnerable, FACE MY FEARS. I have faced a lot of fears in my life, and I have to say some of the most daunting have had to do with saying I would NEVER do something, and then, putting on my courage and trying that very thing.

Do yourself a favor. NEVER say NEVER again. How free you will be!!!!!!!!!!!!