Sometimes, I get scared. I am in the midst of enjoying my day, and all of a sudden, something pressing will occur to me: a bill that I have due, an unexpected expense that I can't afford, a family commitment that I am worried about, a job expectation that I am not sure that I can fulfill. And, I feel my stomach tense up, my heart beat a bit faster, my muscles tense....... I get scared. Once that comes on, it is hard to stop the progession of it.
What I am learning to do, learning to do more proactively and consistently, is to relax, to say the word "relax" to myself, out loud or in my mind. Relax and breathe and go with the flow. The bottom line, we will always have a path that is not straight and flat. There are going to be hills, steep hills, gradual hills, rocks and cliffs, winding roads as our path. So, one step at a time, one foot in front of another, KEEP WALKING UP THAT HILL.
After all, it is only a hill. It is not forever. It may be uncomfortable, it may hurt our muscles, we may have to really stretch ourselves and work hard to get up it. We may have to sit and rest on the way. But, relax in the process. No matter what, we need to climb the hills to get to where we are going. So, why fight it? Why fret about it, stress ourselves out about it? Enjoy the scenery........
Sit down on a log. Listen to the quiet, to the birds, to the noise that is beauty in itself. Look around you: what do you see? What lessons or beauty is there right in front of you, on the road to greatness? Remember, it is ALWAYS about the journey, not the destination. Make it meaningful; make it beautiful; and get there in a relaxed way.
I used to feel tested, tried, why does the hard way have to be MY way, God? I got sick of it, got angry, got frustrated, got discouraged. Now, I try to look at each journey, each road, each uphill, and downhill path, each straight and flat path, as a opportunity to learn, to grow, to get into better shape, to challenge myself. The journey is an amazing one, and I don't want to miss one step of it by obsessing over the "what might happen" talk.
Walk with me......
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Monday, June 2, 2008
Blogging for LGBT Families Day!
From what I understand, and this is the first I am hearing of it, mind you, this is the third annual Blogging for LGBT Families Day! I did not have much luck setting up the link for you all, but will try to do so within this entry, so you can check out all of the blogs that are dedicating part of their space today to writing about LGBT families.
This is a loaded concept in some ways. One of those ways is that it won't mean the same to me as it does to some of my beloved friends on Soulforce, or some of the members of our church, or even for some of our couple friends. For our family, our nuclear closer-than-close family, being an LGBT family means, among other things, that we are two life partners that decided we wanted to have a baby, and so we did. The rest in the ten years (so far) that have followed is herstory (we have a daughter). However, we know many persons, in 3D and in the cyber world, who have children from different circumstances, some that choose not to have children, and some that have not had them yet. Some who are single and seeking family among others in the LGBT community, the list goes on and on. So, this is to celebrate all of our families......
In honor of this day, I have decided to recycle a blog post of mine from a few weeks ago, that just gives you one reason why I have such adoration for my family. Why I feel so blessed. Why, if I had to do it all again, I would not change a thing. Even being a lesbian; it has come to be one of the greatest gifts of my life. I embrace, I revel in it, and I celebrate it as often as I can.
Here you have it: Car rides......
Car rides........
About four months ago, my daughter stopped wanting to take the bus to school in the morning. Initially, it seemed to be motivated by sleeping a bit late, or just not being in the mood to deal with all of the kids on there. Then, before we both knew it, I was driving her to school every day. Believe me, I don't mind; I rather enjoy our morning time together. It was just such a strange transition, from her wanting to go on her own on the bus, to wanting to be with me every morning that she could.When she was born, I got to be at home with her for three whole months, day in and day out. It was heaven; we would just do our thing, go out or stay in, play or watch tv, socialize with others or not; we were so happy to be together; of course, no words on her part could describe it then, but she was devoted and smitten already.Then, my partner was home with her full time after she was just a few months old. Because we only had one income after awhile, I worked as much as I could, sometimes late in the evenings, and the weekends. It was always so hard to leave them both, to go off and do what I needed to do for us, but not be able to be home with my family. As much as I loved my career, leaving our daughter was so hard.Then, she started wanting a ride to school every day a few months ago. And, what quality time it is. It is about a twenty minute drive to work, and we talk about everything from the weather, to her school day, to her teacher that she dreads, to her friends, and our family. Sometimes the conversations are so deep and soul searching, it makes me eternally grateful that we have raised her the way that we have; to speak up when something is wrong. Now, every day, I crave that time with her in the morning; it starts off my day so beautifully.To just add to this enhanced family time, I recently made a decision to give up my evening part time job; now, we have dinner together frequently during the week; we enjoy our extra time together, we talk and laugh and play and discuss. It is worth more to me than anything in this world.
Here is the link; sorry for the tedious nature of it.......
http://www.mombian.com/2008/06/02/blogging-for-lgbt-families-day-contributed-posts-2/
This is a loaded concept in some ways. One of those ways is that it won't mean the same to me as it does to some of my beloved friends on Soulforce, or some of the members of our church, or even for some of our couple friends. For our family, our nuclear closer-than-close family, being an LGBT family means, among other things, that we are two life partners that decided we wanted to have a baby, and so we did. The rest in the ten years (so far) that have followed is herstory (we have a daughter). However, we know many persons, in 3D and in the cyber world, who have children from different circumstances, some that choose not to have children, and some that have not had them yet. Some who are single and seeking family among others in the LGBT community, the list goes on and on. So, this is to celebrate all of our families......
In honor of this day, I have decided to recycle a blog post of mine from a few weeks ago, that just gives you one reason why I have such adoration for my family. Why I feel so blessed. Why, if I had to do it all again, I would not change a thing. Even being a lesbian; it has come to be one of the greatest gifts of my life. I embrace, I revel in it, and I celebrate it as often as I can.
Here you have it: Car rides......
Car rides........
About four months ago, my daughter stopped wanting to take the bus to school in the morning. Initially, it seemed to be motivated by sleeping a bit late, or just not being in the mood to deal with all of the kids on there. Then, before we both knew it, I was driving her to school every day. Believe me, I don't mind; I rather enjoy our morning time together. It was just such a strange transition, from her wanting to go on her own on the bus, to wanting to be with me every morning that she could.When she was born, I got to be at home with her for three whole months, day in and day out. It was heaven; we would just do our thing, go out or stay in, play or watch tv, socialize with others or not; we were so happy to be together; of course, no words on her part could describe it then, but she was devoted and smitten already.Then, my partner was home with her full time after she was just a few months old. Because we only had one income after awhile, I worked as much as I could, sometimes late in the evenings, and the weekends. It was always so hard to leave them both, to go off and do what I needed to do for us, but not be able to be home with my family. As much as I loved my career, leaving our daughter was so hard.Then, she started wanting a ride to school every day a few months ago. And, what quality time it is. It is about a twenty minute drive to work, and we talk about everything from the weather, to her school day, to her teacher that she dreads, to her friends, and our family. Sometimes the conversations are so deep and soul searching, it makes me eternally grateful that we have raised her the way that we have; to speak up when something is wrong. Now, every day, I crave that time with her in the morning; it starts off my day so beautifully.To just add to this enhanced family time, I recently made a decision to give up my evening part time job; now, we have dinner together frequently during the week; we enjoy our extra time together, we talk and laugh and play and discuss. It is worth more to me than anything in this world.
Here is the link; sorry for the tedious nature of it.......
http://www.mombian.com/2008/06/02/blogging-for-lgbt-families-day-contributed-posts-2/
body language
I have spent most of my life coming to terms with the body that I live in. I can safely say that for the majority of my years, I have loathed the vessel. Too fat, too short, hair too wiry, too many veins showing on my legs, you name it, I have probably thought it about my body. In my today, I am slowly, but surely, coming to a peaceful existence with this body that my spirit inhabits, its quirks and details and all of the little, and big, parts that are uniquely mine. It is a beautiful work of art that I am in the process of gaining appreciation for.
What I am also learning to do, besides embrace my body, is to listen to the language of my body. Not so much about what my body language says to others, but rather what my body speaks to me about what is going on. You see, my relationship with my body and my spirit is reciprocal in nature; what affects my mind and spirit directly influences my body, and what invades or affects my physical being influences my thoughts, my soul, my heart.
When I am physically ill, I am now paying attention to that. I am infamous for ignoring symptoms, taking care of the needs of all of those around me, and leaving my needs to long last, sometimes to my own serious detriment. I am now listening to those physical cues: a headache, stomach ache, dizziness, and even though they do not occur often, I tune into them to take care of any physical need that may be going on. What I am also learning though, is that at times, those physical symptoms are a physical exemplification of what is going on in my head, in my heart: I am thinking anxious thoughts about money; I am nervous about a work event; I am missing my partner and my daughter; I feel sad about a circumstance. When I really tune into my body, I feel the tension in my belly, the stiffness of my neck.............it is then that I know that I need to calm my thoughts and get back to a peaceful center.
My body is so precise and amazing it what it holds in terms of knowledge; it possesses my vibrant, beating heart, to keep me going for yet another set of beautiful days; it keeps my limbs strong and flexible, so that I can build and cook and create and work and play; it keeps safe my brain so that I can continue to learn and experience and explore. So, who am I to NOT trust that it knows what it is doing? It is the storage unit for all that has occurred in my life, past and present. It has an exact memory. It is resilient and flexible and accomodating.
It is my friend, not my enemy.
I am going to give my body a great big hug!
What I am also learning to do, besides embrace my body, is to listen to the language of my body. Not so much about what my body language says to others, but rather what my body speaks to me about what is going on. You see, my relationship with my body and my spirit is reciprocal in nature; what affects my mind and spirit directly influences my body, and what invades or affects my physical being influences my thoughts, my soul, my heart.
When I am physically ill, I am now paying attention to that. I am infamous for ignoring symptoms, taking care of the needs of all of those around me, and leaving my needs to long last, sometimes to my own serious detriment. I am now listening to those physical cues: a headache, stomach ache, dizziness, and even though they do not occur often, I tune into them to take care of any physical need that may be going on. What I am also learning though, is that at times, those physical symptoms are a physical exemplification of what is going on in my head, in my heart: I am thinking anxious thoughts about money; I am nervous about a work event; I am missing my partner and my daughter; I feel sad about a circumstance. When I really tune into my body, I feel the tension in my belly, the stiffness of my neck.............it is then that I know that I need to calm my thoughts and get back to a peaceful center.
My body is so precise and amazing it what it holds in terms of knowledge; it possesses my vibrant, beating heart, to keep me going for yet another set of beautiful days; it keeps my limbs strong and flexible, so that I can build and cook and create and work and play; it keeps safe my brain so that I can continue to learn and experience and explore. So, who am I to NOT trust that it knows what it is doing? It is the storage unit for all that has occurred in my life, past and present. It has an exact memory. It is resilient and flexible and accomodating.
It is my friend, not my enemy.
I am going to give my body a great big hug!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
