By Melody Beattie, from her book of affirmations, Journey to the Heart.
"We find fortune when we open our hearts and learn the secret of life."
Amazing.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
The beauty of divine love
I am almost constantly pondering lately on the doings of my life. In a relatively short period of time, about two years, my life has turned around almost completely. Sure, by the events and circumstances that have happened, by the relationships that I encountered, by the time that passed and the jobs that changed, that helps to describe the turnaround that I experienced. And, when I use the term turnaround, I mean, my head still feels like it is spinning at times because my life made so many twists and turns lately; the changes went from having been very gradual to everything kind of falling into place.
So, yes, those things all happened. But, there were even more deeply personal changes that occurred, that occurred within me. I felt changed, I felt moved...... I began to open up more, even though I always considered myself to be an open person, it was as if one day, my soul just completely revealed itself. As a coccoon opening up, to allow for the spreading of the wings of the beautiful butterfly (BTW, Vanessa means butterfly in French; how appropriate). I literally could feel my wings unfurling, spreading, showing their newfound colors.
I also felt like I found my voice, my REAL voice, which I had kept silent for most of my life. I have always had a big mouth, always been able to speak up for others, always able to express my opinion, but rarely did I feel totally at ease with speaking, openly, about who I am what I am about. My voice emerged. Some days in a whisper, some days in a roar.
My mind and my awareness has opened up in such a way that hardly anything escapes me. Colors are brighter, sounds are louder, music is sweeter, smells are stronger, and I feel alive and so capable. I still miss details, in such a hurry to take something in, but I am learning, boy am I learning. My mind feels more eager than ever to learn, to grow, to challenge, to read and gain knowledge.
I felt so alive I thought, all of those years of my life. But, I feel like much of me was in a deep, tranquil sleep. Sometimes it was fitful, sometimes restful, but never fully awake, alert and alive.
What do I attribute all of this to?
I have purposely and intentionally opened myself up to the wonders of the Universe. I have said a resounding "YES" to my receiving of divine love. The love of the universe embracing me; the love of self resounding within me and echoing out into my surroundings. The love for my fellow humans being shown and given freely. And, what makes this time so incredibly different, even though I have always enjoyed meeting others, chatting with others, serving others, is that I am doing it from my point of soul now; I really am listening to the tickings of my heart, in the same rhythm of the universe, and we are in sync, we are connected.
The power of that experience is nothing short of incredible.
So, yes, those things all happened. But, there were even more deeply personal changes that occurred, that occurred within me. I felt changed, I felt moved...... I began to open up more, even though I always considered myself to be an open person, it was as if one day, my soul just completely revealed itself. As a coccoon opening up, to allow for the spreading of the wings of the beautiful butterfly (BTW, Vanessa means butterfly in French; how appropriate). I literally could feel my wings unfurling, spreading, showing their newfound colors.
I also felt like I found my voice, my REAL voice, which I had kept silent for most of my life. I have always had a big mouth, always been able to speak up for others, always able to express my opinion, but rarely did I feel totally at ease with speaking, openly, about who I am what I am about. My voice emerged. Some days in a whisper, some days in a roar.
My mind and my awareness has opened up in such a way that hardly anything escapes me. Colors are brighter, sounds are louder, music is sweeter, smells are stronger, and I feel alive and so capable. I still miss details, in such a hurry to take something in, but I am learning, boy am I learning. My mind feels more eager than ever to learn, to grow, to challenge, to read and gain knowledge.
I felt so alive I thought, all of those years of my life. But, I feel like much of me was in a deep, tranquil sleep. Sometimes it was fitful, sometimes restful, but never fully awake, alert and alive.
What do I attribute all of this to?
I have purposely and intentionally opened myself up to the wonders of the Universe. I have said a resounding "YES" to my receiving of divine love. The love of the universe embracing me; the love of self resounding within me and echoing out into my surroundings. The love for my fellow humans being shown and given freely. And, what makes this time so incredibly different, even though I have always enjoyed meeting others, chatting with others, serving others, is that I am doing it from my point of soul now; I really am listening to the tickings of my heart, in the same rhythm of the universe, and we are in sync, we are connected.
The power of that experience is nothing short of incredible.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Just because opportunity knocks.....
.......doesn't mean that we have to answer the door.
Not every opportunity is necessarily our opportunity.
Maybe we are in a tough situation; maybe our relationship is failing, and we meet someone who atttends to us, listens, and seems interested.
Maybe our job has been going poorly, and we hear about a job opportunity that sounds too good to be true. Sure, it isn't a job we would normally enjoy, but the money is good.
Maybe, we have heard about a new way to invest our money, even though it sounds kind of risky, the return could be incredible.
Sometimes, opportunity knocks.
Sometimes, it is better to not answer the door.
I know that this goes against many things that some of us have been taught. When opportunity knocks, answer. Take a chance. Don't miss a great opportunity. Invest now, benefit later.
And, there is not doubt that those opportunities will be beneficial to someone.
But, not every opportunity is an opportunity that is the right one for us.
Starting today, when opportunity knocks, instead of responding to the knock immediately, pause for a moment.
Instead, listen intently. Can you hear the grasshopper? Can you hear the sound of your own heartbeat? Sure, they aren't as loud as a knock or a doorbell, but they hold more firm answers to your future, to your dreams, than any knock on the door.
There are opportunities to be had for each one of us, and reasons why the knock on the door could bring some benefit to our lives. But, only in our hearts can we know for sure if it is the right thing for us or not.
We can't know fully based on advice from others, no matter how well meaning.
We can't know fully based on what a great opportunity it appears to be.
We can't know based on the short term gains.
We can only know by quieting ourselves, listening intently, and getting into step with the beating of our own heart, the calling of our own soul. We need to be listening hard enough and long enough to really know what the answers are for us.
I mean, we can all answer the door when it knocks; we have free will, it is always our choice.
And, no matter what, a lesson will be in store for us.
Are we ready to listen more closely, so that those decisions that we do make, feel more in sync with the rhythm of our lives?
Are you ready to ignore the knocks and listen quietly for the beat?
I dare you.......
Not every opportunity is necessarily our opportunity.
Maybe we are in a tough situation; maybe our relationship is failing, and we meet someone who atttends to us, listens, and seems interested.
Maybe our job has been going poorly, and we hear about a job opportunity that sounds too good to be true. Sure, it isn't a job we would normally enjoy, but the money is good.
Maybe, we have heard about a new way to invest our money, even though it sounds kind of risky, the return could be incredible.
Sometimes, opportunity knocks.
Sometimes, it is better to not answer the door.
I know that this goes against many things that some of us have been taught. When opportunity knocks, answer. Take a chance. Don't miss a great opportunity. Invest now, benefit later.
And, there is not doubt that those opportunities will be beneficial to someone.
But, not every opportunity is an opportunity that is the right one for us.
Starting today, when opportunity knocks, instead of responding to the knock immediately, pause for a moment.
Instead, listen intently. Can you hear the grasshopper? Can you hear the sound of your own heartbeat? Sure, they aren't as loud as a knock or a doorbell, but they hold more firm answers to your future, to your dreams, than any knock on the door.
There are opportunities to be had for each one of us, and reasons why the knock on the door could bring some benefit to our lives. But, only in our hearts can we know for sure if it is the right thing for us or not.
We can't know fully based on advice from others, no matter how well meaning.
We can't know fully based on what a great opportunity it appears to be.
We can't know based on the short term gains.
We can only know by quieting ourselves, listening intently, and getting into step with the beating of our own heart, the calling of our own soul. We need to be listening hard enough and long enough to really know what the answers are for us.
I mean, we can all answer the door when it knocks; we have free will, it is always our choice.
And, no matter what, a lesson will be in store for us.
Are we ready to listen more closely, so that those decisions that we do make, feel more in sync with the rhythm of our lives?
Are you ready to ignore the knocks and listen quietly for the beat?
I dare you.......
Friday, May 23, 2008
I absolutely love this wisdom......
courtesy of Melody Beattie:
"The right time for the journey is when you begin it."
I love the simple truth of that.
"The right time for the journey is when you begin it."
I love the simple truth of that.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
The search for identity.
Our daughter is ten years old. She is a subject often discussed on this blog of mine, because watching her grow and change is such an amazing experience, and she is just such a great little human being in the making. I have been pondering the idea of a person's search for identity because of something that happened with her this week.
She is legally the child of both myself and my partner; and she has always known that, known that she belongs to both of us. Her last name, due to biology of birth, is mine. She was always given the option of hyphenating it, to carry both of our names, and we considered doing it on her behalf at times. But, in wanting to help her feel one of her peer group, we never did anything except keep her name as it is.
This week, she subtly but specifically told me that she wants to change her last name. Not hyphenate it, but change it to reflect my partner's last name only. I was surprised, a little shocked, and at first, felt really weird about that. Not my name anymore? What does that mean, and then, where do I fit in with her identity and origins? It was a strange reaction on my part, I didn't expect it, but have been trying to sort through it since she first told me. And, she only told me directly, not my partner.
Last night, over family dinner, we all had a discussion about it. We talked about the various options with her, and although she was interested in the option of hyphenating vs. changing it, she still wants to change it to her last name.
Now, as her parents, we could say, no, that is not okay. We could express our concern about the questions that she will get, the confusion it may cause with friends or school personnel, possible negative reactions. But, I think we are of a frame of mind that we want HER to make the choice. You see, we are a nontraditional type of family; so, we need to, at times, do things in a nontraditional way, to accomodate the needs of our child, of our family.
After I stopped feeling helpless, lost, and left out about the potential name change, it kind of hit me as a revelation of sorts: she is forming and shaping her own identity. She is taking control of who she is, and part of that, for her, is changing her name. She cannot describe to us, nor explain, why she wants to do it, but identity is a hard thing to explain or describe for any of us. What is our identity? Who are we? Her questions related to this will be far different from many of her peers, so this seems to be an exercise in that, to help her come to her own, loving and individual understanding. She is searching, and we will help her in anyway that we can, that seems reasonable, to find it and explore it.
And, I don't think we could express our love in any fuller of a way.
She is legally the child of both myself and my partner; and she has always known that, known that she belongs to both of us. Her last name, due to biology of birth, is mine. She was always given the option of hyphenating it, to carry both of our names, and we considered doing it on her behalf at times. But, in wanting to help her feel one of her peer group, we never did anything except keep her name as it is.
This week, she subtly but specifically told me that she wants to change her last name. Not hyphenate it, but change it to reflect my partner's last name only. I was surprised, a little shocked, and at first, felt really weird about that. Not my name anymore? What does that mean, and then, where do I fit in with her identity and origins? It was a strange reaction on my part, I didn't expect it, but have been trying to sort through it since she first told me. And, she only told me directly, not my partner.
Last night, over family dinner, we all had a discussion about it. We talked about the various options with her, and although she was interested in the option of hyphenating vs. changing it, she still wants to change it to her last name.
Now, as her parents, we could say, no, that is not okay. We could express our concern about the questions that she will get, the confusion it may cause with friends or school personnel, possible negative reactions. But, I think we are of a frame of mind that we want HER to make the choice. You see, we are a nontraditional type of family; so, we need to, at times, do things in a nontraditional way, to accomodate the needs of our child, of our family.
After I stopped feeling helpless, lost, and left out about the potential name change, it kind of hit me as a revelation of sorts: she is forming and shaping her own identity. She is taking control of who she is, and part of that, for her, is changing her name. She cannot describe to us, nor explain, why she wants to do it, but identity is a hard thing to explain or describe for any of us. What is our identity? Who are we? Her questions related to this will be far different from many of her peers, so this seems to be an exercise in that, to help her come to her own, loving and individual understanding. She is searching, and we will help her in anyway that we can, that seems reasonable, to find it and explore it.
And, I don't think we could express our love in any fuller of a way.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Tend to your own garden.
Oh, the experiences of life. We have all had experiences up to this point, some good, some bad, but all worthwhile and bringing us valuable knowledge and lessons. So, why not pass on that knowledge, those lessons, to those that we love and care about? After all, if it worked for us, shouldn't it work for someone else?
This used to be, and still is although I try to resist, the way that I would interact with those around me; or, as I have come to discover about myself, it was a subtle and not so subtle way to control. Wow, I can't believe I just said that. But, it is truth. And, the truth hurts sometimes.
I have been a social worker, counselor, therapist for my whole professional career. That is a sum total of 24 years now. In that role, I get paid to help people find out what they need to do differently to change their lives. I get paid, and I enjoy the work, of helping others to solve their problems, brainstorm solutions, give suggestions. Even though it is something that I get paid to do, I enjoy doing it because I enjoy helping others, respecting others in the times when friends are hard to come by. I didn't feel like a social worker in my personal life, but I was.
My friends are so important to me, my partner is struggling so badly, if I just gave them the answer that worked for me, then they will feel better, be happier, feel more in balance. Right? Wrong, wrong and wrong. What a very hard lesson for me to learn. Because, by my putting upon my loved ones what I thought they should do, I was controlling; I was dictating; I was taking away their freedom to have their own process, to tend to their own garden, so to speak.
Sure, it is okay to want to weed someone else's plot for them; it is admirable to bring seeds that you have had success with; it is appreciated when you have some extra manure you want to share. Problem is, too much shit is a bad thing. Too much giving of what you think will work the best leaves the other person powerless, helpless, and less confident in their own abilities. And, I have to admit, again, I cannot believe that I am doing so, that it can be great for the ego when something that worked for me, works for someone else. God, I hate admitting that, but it is true.
So, I have made a career now of tending to my own garden, and encouraging those that I know, those that I care about, to do the same. How am I doing this?
Well, I am doing it on the job, by not fixing everyone, but rather, showing them where they can find the tools to fix themselves. I am not their moms- I am a guide, a person just pointing them in the right direction. What a great feeling of satisfaction my clients have when I empower them to do it for themselves; I don't want them to be thanking me anymore, I want them to be grateful to their own self-will.
With those closest to me, I am biting my tongue (literally, sometimes- that hurts!), I am pausing a lot in conversation, when I would previously have given a laundry list of ideas, and letting the other person finish telling their story, or until they have more than a moment's breath for them to figure out what comes next. Tend to their own garden. Grow their own beauty. Mind their own patch of earth and sky.
As I write that, it reminds me of another thought. If we all just told each other how to do things, how to make things right, how to be happy and blessed, we would have a monochromatic version of my favorite fleece blanket. It would keep me warm, but it wouldn't be much to look at. However, if I point people in the right direction, empower them to find their own way, their own answers, their own destiny, and we each take care of our own garden, our own patch of earth, what a beautiful mosaic of quilted beauty that would be. That will be. That should be.
I am learning, forever learning, and forever grateful for the learning...........
This used to be, and still is although I try to resist, the way that I would interact with those around me; or, as I have come to discover about myself, it was a subtle and not so subtle way to control. Wow, I can't believe I just said that. But, it is truth. And, the truth hurts sometimes.
I have been a social worker, counselor, therapist for my whole professional career. That is a sum total of 24 years now. In that role, I get paid to help people find out what they need to do differently to change their lives. I get paid, and I enjoy the work, of helping others to solve their problems, brainstorm solutions, give suggestions. Even though it is something that I get paid to do, I enjoy doing it because I enjoy helping others, respecting others in the times when friends are hard to come by. I didn't feel like a social worker in my personal life, but I was.
My friends are so important to me, my partner is struggling so badly, if I just gave them the answer that worked for me, then they will feel better, be happier, feel more in balance. Right? Wrong, wrong and wrong. What a very hard lesson for me to learn. Because, by my putting upon my loved ones what I thought they should do, I was controlling; I was dictating; I was taking away their freedom to have their own process, to tend to their own garden, so to speak.
Sure, it is okay to want to weed someone else's plot for them; it is admirable to bring seeds that you have had success with; it is appreciated when you have some extra manure you want to share. Problem is, too much shit is a bad thing. Too much giving of what you think will work the best leaves the other person powerless, helpless, and less confident in their own abilities. And, I have to admit, again, I cannot believe that I am doing so, that it can be great for the ego when something that worked for me, works for someone else. God, I hate admitting that, but it is true.
So, I have made a career now of tending to my own garden, and encouraging those that I know, those that I care about, to do the same. How am I doing this?
Well, I am doing it on the job, by not fixing everyone, but rather, showing them where they can find the tools to fix themselves. I am not their moms- I am a guide, a person just pointing them in the right direction. What a great feeling of satisfaction my clients have when I empower them to do it for themselves; I don't want them to be thanking me anymore, I want them to be grateful to their own self-will.
With those closest to me, I am biting my tongue (literally, sometimes- that hurts!), I am pausing a lot in conversation, when I would previously have given a laundry list of ideas, and letting the other person finish telling their story, or until they have more than a moment's breath for them to figure out what comes next. Tend to their own garden. Grow their own beauty. Mind their own patch of earth and sky.
As I write that, it reminds me of another thought. If we all just told each other how to do things, how to make things right, how to be happy and blessed, we would have a monochromatic version of my favorite fleece blanket. It would keep me warm, but it wouldn't be much to look at. However, if I point people in the right direction, empower them to find their own way, their own answers, their own destiny, and we each take care of our own garden, our own patch of earth, what a beautiful mosaic of quilted beauty that would be. That will be. That should be.
I am learning, forever learning, and forever grateful for the learning...........
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