Remember that love means FREEDOM.

How many of us have ever said to the partner/person in our lives "If you loved me, you would....."? I know I have said it, probably more than a couple of times. Like, by having some contractual agreement for you to do what I want you to do, that will prove your unending love for me? Besides the fact that it is controlling and constraining, making those types of demands on another person just doesn't work. I don't know that it ever brings results that are lasting, let alone healthy.

What is does speak to is our own desperate need for love, to be acknowledged, cared for, nurtured, embraced, appreciated, adored. I crave that as much as the next person. But one part of my self-discovery that seems a little less pleasant to deal with about myself, is that I believe the desire, and then at times, the demand for that from another person, is a subtle, and sometimes not so subtle, form of controlling the other person to give you what you want.

What is the worst thing that would happen if I let my partner just be who she is meant to be? If I allowed her to make her own choices, do her own thing, and loved her because of that? I don't think it would be a "worst thing" scenario, I am coming to realize and accept. I think, the BEST thing that could come of that freedom, given to myself and my partner, is that, by having that freedom, each of us never stop being our individual selves, while sharing this cool journey together. We both have uniqueness and flair and energy to bring to the couplehood, always some new aspect to discuss, always something new to discover and explore about the other. It keeps the mystery, the passion, the independence. It leaves less room to resent, to compete, to become too intertwined, to lose our personal identity.

"Love that restrains isn't love. It's insecurity. We may tell others how we feel about something that they do or don't do. We may make decisions as a reaction to other's choices. That is our right and our responsibility. But to restrain another in the name of love doesn't create love; it creates restraint." Melody Beattie

Love, by nature, is a concept that I visualize as open, free, flying, on the breeze. I want to continue to capture it as that, so I need to love something, or someone, by setting it free. Not to have it be mine, but to have it be what it is meant to be.